A Realisation.

This week has certainly been an interesting one.

It's been one of those self discovery periods. 

Where without any actual effort of your own some critical truths slot into place.

Truths that change the way you view yourself and life.

It is a pity other people can't work things out at the same time as you do though.

If they did then maybe progress could be made.

But at least I can say that this week I have realised how much false blame and pressure has been put on me.

It's a magical realisation.

I have a feeling that in the coming weeks a whole bunch of bondage is going to be lifted from my life.

I can see things with a much different light shining on them.

Whats that lame song?

"I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can see all obstacles in my way"

So yes, I'm perhaps just a little excited to see where life takes me now.

xx Amie

image via weheartit.com

Don't you love...

Don't you just love the internet. Our internet was down for a few days, and while I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would I am rather pleased to have it back.

xx Amie

image via weheartit.com

Don't you love...

Don't you just love finding that new song to completely obsess over?

You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep
Your’re gonna soak the pillow
for many weeks
You’re gonna cry
Why?
Why me?

But in spite of the ache
that doesn’t go away
You’ll be sharing your story
one rainy day

And at the next table somebody catches your words
He hear’s a truth that he’s never heard
He takes it back to the marriage he’d given up on
Hands it down to his daughter
who writes it into song
You didn’t know

A thousand things are happening in this one thing
Like a thousand fields nourished by a single drop of rain
So honey, wrap yourself in promise
while you wait the morning light
A thousand things are happening tonight

You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep

‘cause for the moment all that you can see
Is what you’ve lost , lost
Why me?

But in the midst of the most exquisite pain
you’re drawn into a peace that You cannot explain
and the praises you sing of a sovereign God
reach the girl whose last hope is gone
she never thought there was purpose in anything here
now the seed has been planted and it’s taking root there

You didn’t know

Chorus

A thousand things are happening tonight
You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep
A thousand miracles you’ll have to wait and see

Imagine.

Imagine how fun it would be to have pink hair for just a little while.

images via weheartit.com

Don't you love it...

Don't you love  it when things just work out perfectly.

xx Amie

image via weheartit.com

Strong.

I'm not sure what happened. Where we went wrong. But somewhere along the line the kidlets went nuts.

They were so lovely while we were away. They hardly fought. They were relatively quiet. They went to bed easily. They never ran away whilst at the shops/zoo/museum.

Now we are home it appears they are fighting worse then ever. Constantly attacking each other and having crying fits.

Maybe it's fatigue after the holiday.

Maybe it's the freedom of being back home.

Maybe it's because for the first time in two weeks there is only Mum to deal with, no Dad watching in the background or Nina promising sweets.

I'm fighting desperately within myself to not play the blame game.

I have come so far. I will not go back to being that girl.

I am not to blame.

 Mike will not come home to a wild house and me crying in the bedroom.

I refuse to give in.
I will stay strong.

xx Amie

image via weheartit.com 

Excitment.

When you live away from the cities you miss out on a very basic thing.

IKEA.

So while I am in Sydney visiting my mummy we have planned a rather exciting thing.

Today is Ikea day.

I am giddy with excitement. 

xx

images via weheartit.com

Tattooed.

I think the time has come to finally join Fat Mum Slim in point and shoot.

And it just so happens that I have something exciting to share from this weekend.

This weekend tattoo number two happened.

Christmas.

This year I am seriously eager for Christmas.

I've got decorations and gifts all planned out.

It's just waiting for an appropriate time to start decking the halls.

 

all images via weheartit

Tshirt Make Over.

Hey Miss Liz, Remember that grey tshirt I convinced you to chuck out and then stole all those years ago?

Take a look now.

I couldn't find a before picture.

But here's an after.

Stupid flash makes it kinda hard to see. But you get the point.

Have a good day at work. xx

Made over using this tutorial from Tea Rose Home.

I need a keyring.

My keyring that I didn't even really like broke over the weekend. So now, for the first time in my life, I am actually on the hunt for a keyring/chain.

Something pointless to pretty up my life basically.

I set myself a $10 limit and hit Etsy.

 

Floral pocket mirror or keychain.

This one is my favorite but is over budget of course.

BEbeautyFULL

Leather Owl.

 

All from SIMPLY CHARMING

Make a wish

A Charmed Obsession

 

I'm leaning towards one of the Simply Charming ones.

What do you think?

When the Saints.

Have you heard this song? I've been loving it every time it comes on the radio for ages now, but could never catch who sung it.

I finally found out a few days ago. 

I can't find it on itunes, so I've had the youtube window open ready to play at a moments notice.

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who've gone before and lived the faithful life
their courage compells me
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharohs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sister standing by the dying man's side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
and when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

A crazy mind.

There is so much going on in my head today. I'm sure that no one but me will be able to follow the mess that is about to follow.

You've been warned.

Yesterday I spent so much time doing little craft like projects. Taking some pictures is on my list for today.

Kayla's birthday is fast approaching.

I've known this for a few weeks but all of a sudden it hit me this morning.

It's been a year.

Seriously????????????

How did that happen?

My baby.

I'm overwhelmed by a fear the I'm going to forget all the little things that have made this past year so special.

I know that it's ridiculous. I can remember lots of amazingly cute wonderful things about the boys when they were babies. But I'm sure I've forgotten a lot as well.

My fringe had grown so much it was constantly sitting in my eyes. I cut it and after washing it last night, realized this morning discovered that it's crooked.

 So now I've created a mini drama. 

Do I cut it again and straighten it out... or sweep it to the side and grow it, move on from the fringe?

Oh the decisions.

There's a chair in there.

A whole heap of rubbish and a trip to the lifeline bin.

The garage clean out is going well.
Granted I've added even more to both my craft to do list and my shopping list (seriously can you ever have enough storage?)

But the most exciting part of the day?

I started to makeover my sewing chair.

I have photo's on my phone, but no way to upload them.

Perhaps I USB cord for my phone should be added to the never ending list.

So anyway. Hopefully tommorrow will see the completion of project #1.

Fingers crossed.

xx

image via weheartit.com

OH Yes

I think about coming back and posting something all the time. 

At least once a day.

It never happens. Either time, kids, mess gets in the way. Or I don't have anything life changing to say.

How pathetic really.

It's not like I was constantly posting life changing, inspirational message before.

Last night I spent hours going looking at some wonderful craft blogs.

Today I'm feeling rather inspired. I just want to make everything.

So I've decided to set myself a challenge of only homemade gifts this christmas (with the exception of the children, I'm not sure I can work out how to make the walking, talking, crazy transformer type Noah has his heart set on). 

Step one is to clean up/reorganize my craft area, which basically consists of a table and messy plastic tub in the garage. 

Today I'm going to clean out some of the crap from the garage to try and make some more room. And perhaps investigate my paint stash and see if I can find something to use to pretty up the desk.

The excitement is making me giddy.

Happy Birthday.

 Happy 25th Birthday Liz. 

You're half way to 50.

Love you girl.

xx

Pink Power.

I have an obsession with painted nails at the moment. 

Might have something to do with the fact that I've finally stopped biting them.

But seriously, is there anything better then pink nail polish?

I think I need a drink.

Today was one of those days were everything that can go wrong will go wrong.

1. Baby screaming so much the two year old was walking around with his hands over his ears.
2. Psycho children acting like they are strung out on sugar whilst mumma paces around in circles with said screaming baby.
3. House a complete disgusting mess that's going to take all day tomorrow to fix. (See points 1 & 2)
4. The psycho children paying no attention to anything being said at them resulting in one very frazzled mumma throwing toys in the rubbish (to be fair the sentence "if you don't pick it up it's going in the bin" did leave my mouth so they were warned).... Perhaps this one actually taught them something. Maybe they learnt not to mess with mumma.
5. The man late home from work. (Only a problem due to points 1 &2)
6. Forgot my eftpos card when I did the grocery shopping and had to come home to retreive it.
7. When I arrived home to collect card the man was asleep and the children had gotten out of bed and someone had taken off their nappy resulting in poop on the couch.
8. Drove a few suburbs with the intent of using my spare key to let myself into Liz's house and drop something off....Forgot the key and had no choice but to leave her $600(?) camera hidden outside the front door. I'm still waiting to hear if it was still there when she got home or if one of her junkie neighbors discovered it.
9. Made a giant ass of myself on the phone to Liz's work whilst calling to inform her of my dodge camera delivering skills.
10. Then played a game of phone tagged whilst trying to organise the last of Miss Liz's birthday present....Although this one worked out well in the end...I think?!?

Yesterday whilst visiting a pregnant friend I started to feel the stirrings of cluckeness deep inside.OH NO. Today definately got rid of that.

Now I've got that off my chest and had a nice cup of tea, I think I shall take a long hot shower and go to bed. Tomorrow has no choice but to be better. I have millions of things to do plus a stack of housework to catch up on. 

image via weheartit.com

Eyes of a child.

How I wish I had the eyes of a child.

That I could see magic in the most simple of things.

This morning the boys have spent over an hour playing with coat hanger 'rocket ships.'

This is what joy is.

What would you tell yourself?

Once again I've been MIA for a quite awhile. Back I just saw this little video and had to share with you.

So much wonderful advice on here. 

Anything you can particularly relate to?

What do you wish you could tell yourself back before you had your first bubba?

The thing that really gets my attention is the line "forgive yourself". Something I am working on at the moment. 

I don't think you can grasp the concept of mother guilt until you are a mother. 

Yet it's something that most of us struggle with and yet it is so so pointless. 

We need to remind ourselves daily that WE are the PERFECT mother for our child. NO ONE will ever love or care for your baby as much as you, which in essence makes you absolutely right for them. Our babies love us. Time for us to start loving us as well.

OH Thank God.

You know those days were every single thing goes wrong? 

Thats today. 

Even as I'm writing this tantrum number 5000 is happening in the background. 

Yep, thats right. My toddler is chucking a spaz and I'm taking a minute for myself updating my neglected blog with a winge about my disaster day.

And the mother of the year award goes to.................

The day has been a disaster. 

A friend posted on facebook: "Does anybody remember back when you were very young, did you ever think that you would be this blessed!"

I replied with: "Blessed is not the word that comes to mind in this household."

I spoke to soon.

Not half hour later a got a text from the very best friend saving my ass in the best possible way.  She's made the next few days tolerable.

So yeh, my day has sucked.

But I guess we are still so very blessed.

Shop til You Drop.

I'm so proud of my little people today. 

I don't often brave the shops with all three of them but today we did it (all in the name of helping a friend of course.)

Today they were dragged all over town looking for the perfect birthday gift for a friends new boyfriend.

They hardly complained. 

I was so impressed.

We were all so tired by the end of it even I was starting to lose my calm. But still they were angels. So well trained.

Some days they make it so easy to love them.

xx

image via weheartit

23 Things to Do.

Another something crossed off my list.

18. Send someone a homemade gift for no reason but I love them

Sent my sister Phoebe a parcel yesterday filled with homemade love.

I think I'm doing pretty good at this whole list thing.

image via weheartit

Emancipate yourself.

While I have no desire to have this tattoo I do rather like the quote.

Exactly what I'm in the process of doing right now.

xx

I can't recall were I found this picture. 

It was saved on my computer ages ago. 

If you know who it belongs to let me know and I'll give credit where credits due.

The life cont.

So I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself anymore.

Am trying to put the pieces together to fix myself and my family/home up.

It's kinda like a puzzle. I'm trying to get all the things I know in my head, to fit perfectly into my heart. Slowly it's coming together.

I'm pulling my socks up.

Moving forward.

Taking babysteps.

Focusing on the small things I can do each day rather then the ones I can't.

And I have to say, it feels darn good.

xx

as always photo's via weheartit

Birthdays.

I can't believe it's been four years.

I can remember so many stupid details from that day.

Folding and refolding bunny rugs cuz they just wouldn't sit right.

Ignoring the tightening in my tummy, thinking it was yet another false alarm.

I remember Mike telling his mum he thinks I'm in labour and me denying it outright.

The concern on his face as the pain got worse. 

I remember having a giggle fit inbetween contractions while Mike ran around like a headless chicken trying to find my toothbrush.

My Dad calling for a chat and me trying to pretend it wasn't happening cuz I didn't want to talk baby stuff with him.

Dad: So what are you doing tonight.

Me: Umm, (breath through the pain Amie) , think we are heading to the hospital soon.

Dad: Oh, is everything ok?

Me: (gripping kitchen counter) Yeh

Dad: Are you going to have a baby tonight?

Me: I think so. Gotta go. Bye.

After that things get a bit fuzzy.

The memories are like flashes, moments saved in my mind.

Mike: Breath honey

Me: I AM OK. SHUT UP!

I remember being afraid of having my waters broken because someone had told me the pain got worse after that. 

They broke on their own about 10minutes later.

It was sweet relief for a whole microsecond.

Noah was born half hour after my waters broke. (It's worth noting here that with the next two babies I insisted they break them for me)

He was perfect.

Love and life and pureity all wrapped up in a tiny cuddle bundle.

I was in love.

He is perfect.

I can't believe it's been four years.

Your a big brother now, but you'll always be my baby.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOAH!

Happy.

image via weheartit

The life.

The dream.

 

The reality.

I'm having one of those weeks/months when being a stay home mum seems like a mistake.

Actually at this point in time it's more like me being a mum just isn't working.

I was sick last week and the house got out of routine.

I desperately want to get it back in order.

Ok, so who am I kidding. The routine wasn't really happening anyway.

It's always in the plan.

It just doesn't happen.
I've tried all different systems and none seem to work for us.

It feels like we are living in a constant state of utter mess.

I don't know how I can catch up.

And it doesn't feel like normal "I have kids" mess either.

It is like wouldn't pass a health inspection mess.

I am a mess.

I honestly feel like an unfit mother right about now.

Like if community services was to pay me a visit they would take the kids away.

Ok. So perhaps I'm exaggerating slightly.

But that's not the point.

The point is I've lost my mojo.

I long to get back to the place where everyday life flows.

I don't expect it to be easy.

But I'm so over it being this hard.

I just want to live.

I want to enjoy my kids.

I want them to remember me as someone who was willing to have fun.

Right now, in this moment, that's not me.

Right now I am so completely over whelmed I can't see the sunshine.

I remember there was an old Switchfoot song with the line

The shadows prove the sunshine.

Trying to remember that right about now.

Sorry for the cranky post.

Hopefully I'll be feeling better soon.

xx

as always images via weheartit

I never knew.

I am so shocked and excited this afternoon. 

Today I realised the Anthropologie ships to Australia.

I still can't afford anything.

But the dream is one step closer.

If I had the funds I would be redoing my bedroom with pieces from this collection.

In fact I believe those pillows would go nicely with my current bedspread.

oh the excitment.

Pity about the funding problem.

And this one would be perfect on my lounge.

Oh dear Lord I think I've died and gone to heaven.

I have to stop looking and go back to my house work.

Happy Monday.

xx

Far Far.

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something good to happen to her
from time to time there are colors and shapes
dazzle in her eyes, tickle in her hands
they invent her a new world with
oil skies and aquarel rivers
but don't you run away already
please don't go oh oh

Take a deep breath and dive
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess
beautiful mess inside

Oh beautiful, beautiful

Far far there's this little girl
she was praying for something big to happen to her
every night she hears beautiful strange music
it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide
but if it fades she begs
"oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it"

Just look at yourself now
deep inside
deeper than you ever dared
there's a beautiful mess inside
beautiful mess inside

My favorite song today.

Far Far by Yael Naïm

as always image from weheartit

Sick sick sick.

I had wanted my 100th post to be so amazingly inspirational that maybe you would cry happy tears.

It's not.

I am so sick I think I may die.

I slept for nearly a solid 24hours only waking for more painkillers and fluids.

My husband is officially in the good books for taking the kids off my hands.

The plan was that I would wake up this morning feeling so much better after having slept it off.

It's didn't work.

I still feel like my head will explode at any moment.

My throat is still on fire.

My whole body still aches.

I am so ready to go back to bed.

Party.

This morning I woke up and was practically jumping from my seat with excitment.

I offically have 20 followers. 

I'm all grown up now.

Not sure I have anything interesting enough to warrant any followers but that is completely besides the point cuz today I am happy.

I'm about 2 posts away from my 100th post as well.

Perhaps I should do a little mini giveaway to celebrate.

image via weheartit

Treasure.

I found a treasure yesterday. 

I was giddy with excitment when it was delivered.

Gotta love some op shop goodness.

I also found some side tables which I'm planning on making into a play kitchen for Noah's birthday. 

I'll post some progress pictures as we go along.

xx

The little things.

Sometimes it's the little things that make your day wonderful.

Today I bought myself new jeans. 

A size smaller then my current ones and only half a size bigger then my preKayla jeans.

Thats party worthy me thinks.

(thats not my tush weheartit)

Best Friends.

When I was a kid 'Barbie and the Rockers' was like my absolute favorite movie.

So when getting all excited about the fact that my best friend is coming home after an entire long week (yes a week and I was going crazy) I started subconsciously singing this fabulously 80's sounding song.

Teacups treasure.

Seriously how beautiful are vintage tea cups.

I'll admit. Alot of the 'planning' time for the epic tea party has been spent looking at pictures for inspiration. Totally counts right?