Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The life.


The dream.

 
The reality.

I'm having one of those weeks/months when being a stay home mum seems like a mistake.
Actually at this point in time it's more like me being a mum just isn't working.
I was sick last week and the house got out of routine.
I desperately want to get it back in order.

Ok, so who am I kidding. The routine wasn't really happening anyway.
It's always in the plan.
It just doesn't happen.
I've tried all different systems and none seem to work for us.

It feels like we are living in a constant state of utter mess.
I don't know how I can catch up.
And it doesn't feel like normal "I have kids" mess either.
It is like wouldn't pass a health inspection mess.
I am a mess.
I honestly feel like an unfit mother right about now.
Like if community services was to pay me a visit they would take the kids away.
Ok. So perhaps I'm exaggerating slightly.

But that's not the point.
The point is I've lost my mojo.
I long to get back to the place where everyday life flows.
I don't expect it to be easy.
But I'm so over it being this hard.

I just want to live.
I want to enjoy my kids.
I want them to remember me as someone who was willing to have fun.
Right now, in this moment, that's not me.
Right now I am so completely over whelmed I can't see the sunshine.
I remember there was an old Switchfoot song with the line
The shadows prove the sunshine.

Trying to remember that right about now.
Sorry for the cranky post.
Hopefully I'll be feeling better soon.

xx




as always images via weheartit




5 comments:

Popnbelle said...

You are an amazing mother, you do a spectacular job!

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...

I hear you girlfriend, here's to us feeling on top of it all ASAP x

Maxabella said...

It gets all of us sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself - the reality is that it is never 'the dream'. It's never easy all the time. It's never fun all the time. And it's certainly never organised all the time.

Finding time to keep on top of things is hard. I try to do a bit as I go and I always do a clean up at the day's end when the kids are all (supposedly) in bed. No matter how tired I am, it's got to look like a grown-ups house before bedtime. Sometimes nearly kills me, but it means I stay on top of it all.

Good luck and know you have support. I'd be happy to help you establish a routine. Email me at maxabella@gmail.com if you want to talk through.

Sunny Mummy said...

Thank you for leaving a comment on my 'Take the Pressure' down post. I am so glad you did because it led me to read this and I would love to help you get your mojo back. Its not losts sweets, you've just misplaced it under the clutter ;)

Lets get rid of the clutter in your head and home and find that sparkle you know you have! email me stacey@sunnymummy.com.au

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this honesty,I feel the same right now.My house is clean,but I feel like a mess.I don't feel fun,or alive,I feel very lost in "who am I,whats my purpose"? Aside from being a mom/homemaker? Anyways,maybe get out of the house for a while,and things may seem brighter.Declutter everything,that always helps to be neater.Donate,trash it!

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