Friday, April 23, 2010

Party time.

When I think back on my life I don't believe I'll have regrets.
Not about anything I've done yet at least.
I seriously love the direction my life has taken.
It's not something I ever expected.
I love that my mistakes resulted in the beautiful young boy currently asleep in my bed.
When I think back to the day I realised there was a possibility that the reason I'd spent the last 6 weeks throwing up was because I was 2 months pregnant, I never thought that I would end up here.
A gorgeous almost four year old asleep in my bed.
My husband, love, soulmate, asleep on the couch.
The son I so longed to join our family asleep in his cot.
And the princess, who decided to join our crazy family long before mummy and daddy thought to consider more children, asleep in my arms.

When I first became a mummy Friday nights were the worst.
I loved my darling boy.
I didn't want to leave him for a second.
But part of me wondered if I was missing something.
While I was at home nursing my new baby, my friends were out doing all kinds of crazy, fun, party shaped things. 
I'll admit it, I was jealous.
I was jealous of everyone who got to go out dancing.
Everyone who's tummy still looked the same as it did in high school.
Everyone who didn't have to wake up during the night and got to sleep in on Saturdays.
I was jealous of my friends who got to fall in love, have the fairy tale wedding and then go down the baby road with someone holding their hand.
I felt alone.

I wasn't alone.
I had my son.
I had my future husband, who somehow went against the 19 year old he was and chose us.
He chose us despite the fact that I had made a mistake.
A mistake that would change my life.
And his too once he decided to come along side us.
A mistake that would cuddle into us at night.
A mistake whom I'd cherish forever.
A blessing that I don't think I could ever comprehend.

Now I don't notice Friday nights so much.
Sometimes I go out.
Mostly I don't.
But now it doesn't matter.
I guess that's how you tell that you've grown up.
The things that used to matter don't even register now.
Now my perfect Friday night is this.
Surrounded in perfect, peaceful, sleeping LOVE.

Nowdays I am content.
I realise the blessings in my life.
It's so full of love and laughter I could burst.
Yep, I am perfectly content.



Anonymous said...

Life goes so fast,we had ours really young too,we went from being teens to being parents over night. Now,our oldest is almost 18 shes always gone busy and we suddenly have alot of time on our hands to see what all we thought we were "missing" on those Friday nights,not so much it turns out...

Jemima- So Mummy said...

Well said =]
I to have these feelings or when i catch up wtih my friends and their going on about all this stuff they did when my highlight of the week would be getting olivia on the toilet in time or something like that lol
and sometimes i does make me a little sad or jealous thinking about what im missing out on
but then something wonderful happenes between me and olivia and i know then i wouldnt change it for the world!
keep it up =] x

Anonymous said...

I will admit I still battle those feelings that I'm "missing out" but apparently I was like that even as a baby - I wouldn't sleep just in case I missed out on something ;) Hahaha

Great post!

Bel said...

Wow, it's funny how you stumble across an amazing post after a fellow blogger leaves a comment.
Love this post.
I sometimes wonder what my baby free friends are up to on weekends, while I am struggling to get my toddler to sleep but then in the morning when I have left her in my bed I am happy for those guys to have raging hangovers while I get to snuggle.

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