Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I Just Don't Know.

Today is one of those days. 
You know the ones. 
Those days were you literally want to pull your hair out. 
Or lock yourself in the bedroom.

Days like today don't change the fact you wouldn't give your kids up for the world. But they do make you (or at least me) feel like a completely incompetent mother. 

I remember when I was a child my mother would often ask if I had laid in bed last night thinking of ways to drive her insane. This morning I know exactly what she was talking about.

I'm having some serious, I don't know how to do this moments.
I have nearly lost it and sat crying.
I have been tough mumma, calm mumma, happy mumma, soft mumma, cuddly mumma, cranky mumma.
None of these have worked. 
I have no idea what to do.
I have no idea how to handle anymore crying.
I have sat pinching the top of my nose willing the headache to subside and the screaming children to somehow magically turn into the gorgeous young things on Panadol boxes.

My children do not look like that when they're sick, no amount of Panadol would achieve this look. 
They do not look like that ever.
OK. Perhaps when they are sleeping.

Somehow though I know that I have changed.
At some point I have grown.
I have realized that days like these are not my fault.
Children are little people with great big emotions.
They have days when they feel crap.
They have days when they want impossible things.
When they are so over the snot and don't know how to express themselves.
So they kick and scream and drive everyone up the wall.

If I was a perfect mumma, i would somehow find away to teach them about expressing themselves today.
But I'm not a perfect mumma.
So instead I will sit and give cuddles.
I will continue to refuse to give them left over easter eggs.
Somehow we will all survive.

Lets just hope that Mike doesn't trip on all the mess when he gets home.


Michelle Richmond said...

Did I really say 'Do you lay awake at night thinking of ways to drive me insane'

I obviously needed a blog ....

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