OH Thank God.

You know those days were every single thing goes wrong? 

Thats today. 

Even as I'm writing this tantrum number 5000 is happening in the background. 

Yep, thats right. My toddler is chucking a spaz and I'm taking a minute for myself updating my neglected blog with a winge about my disaster day.

And the mother of the year award goes to.................

The day has been a disaster. 

A friend posted on facebook: "Does anybody remember back when you were very young, did you ever think that you would be this blessed!"

I replied with: "Blessed is not the word that comes to mind in this household."

I spoke to soon.

Not half hour later a got a text from the very best friend saving my ass in the best possible way.  She's made the next few days tolerable.

So yeh, my day has sucked.

But I guess we are still so very blessed.

Shop til You Drop.

I'm so proud of my little people today. 

I don't often brave the shops with all three of them but today we did it (all in the name of helping a friend of course.)

Today they were dragged all over town looking for the perfect birthday gift for a friends new boyfriend.

They hardly complained. 

I was so impressed.

We were all so tired by the end of it even I was starting to lose my calm. But still they were angels. So well trained.

Some days they make it so easy to love them.

xx

image via weheartit

23 Things to Do.

Another something crossed off my list.

18. Send someone a homemade gift for no reason but I love them

Sent my sister Phoebe a parcel yesterday filled with homemade love.

I think I'm doing pretty good at this whole list thing.

image via weheartit

Emancipate yourself.

While I have no desire to have this tattoo I do rather like the quote.

Exactly what I'm in the process of doing right now.

xx

I can't recall were I found this picture. 

It was saved on my computer ages ago. 

If you know who it belongs to let me know and I'll give credit where credits due.

The life cont.

So I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself anymore.

Am trying to put the pieces together to fix myself and my family/home up.

It's kinda like a puzzle. I'm trying to get all the things I know in my head, to fit perfectly into my heart. Slowly it's coming together.

I'm pulling my socks up.

Moving forward.

Taking babysteps.

Focusing on the small things I can do each day rather then the ones I can't.

And I have to say, it feels darn good.

xx

as always photo's via weheartit

Birthdays.

I can't believe it's been four years.

I can remember so many stupid details from that day.

Folding and refolding bunny rugs cuz they just wouldn't sit right.

Ignoring the tightening in my tummy, thinking it was yet another false alarm.

I remember Mike telling his mum he thinks I'm in labour and me denying it outright.

The concern on his face as the pain got worse. 

I remember having a giggle fit inbetween contractions while Mike ran around like a headless chicken trying to find my toothbrush.

My Dad calling for a chat and me trying to pretend it wasn't happening cuz I didn't want to talk baby stuff with him.

Dad: So what are you doing tonight.

Me: Umm, (breath through the pain Amie) , think we are heading to the hospital soon.

Dad: Oh, is everything ok?

Me: (gripping kitchen counter) Yeh

Dad: Are you going to have a baby tonight?

Me: I think so. Gotta go. Bye.

After that things get a bit fuzzy.

The memories are like flashes, moments saved in my mind.

Mike: Breath honey

Me: I AM OK. SHUT UP!

I remember being afraid of having my waters broken because someone had told me the pain got worse after that. 

They broke on their own about 10minutes later.

It was sweet relief for a whole microsecond.

Noah was born half hour after my waters broke. (It's worth noting here that with the next two babies I insisted they break them for me)

He was perfect.

Love and life and pureity all wrapped up in a tiny cuddle bundle.

I was in love.

He is perfect.

I can't believe it's been four years.

Your a big brother now, but you'll always be my baby.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOAH!

Happy.

image via weheartit

The life.

The dream.

 

The reality.

I'm having one of those weeks/months when being a stay home mum seems like a mistake.

Actually at this point in time it's more like me being a mum just isn't working.

I was sick last week and the house got out of routine.

I desperately want to get it back in order.

Ok, so who am I kidding. The routine wasn't really happening anyway.

It's always in the plan.

It just doesn't happen.
I've tried all different systems and none seem to work for us.

It feels like we are living in a constant state of utter mess.

I don't know how I can catch up.

And it doesn't feel like normal "I have kids" mess either.

It is like wouldn't pass a health inspection mess.

I am a mess.

I honestly feel like an unfit mother right about now.

Like if community services was to pay me a visit they would take the kids away.

Ok. So perhaps I'm exaggerating slightly.

But that's not the point.

The point is I've lost my mojo.

I long to get back to the place where everyday life flows.

I don't expect it to be easy.

But I'm so over it being this hard.

I just want to live.

I want to enjoy my kids.

I want them to remember me as someone who was willing to have fun.

Right now, in this moment, that's not me.

Right now I am so completely over whelmed I can't see the sunshine.

I remember there was an old Switchfoot song with the line

The shadows prove the sunshine.

Trying to remember that right about now.

Sorry for the cranky post.

Hopefully I'll be feeling better soon.

xx

as always images via weheartit

I never knew.

I am so shocked and excited this afternoon. 

Today I realised the Anthropologie ships to Australia.

I still can't afford anything.

But the dream is one step closer.

If I had the funds I would be redoing my bedroom with pieces from this collection.

In fact I believe those pillows would go nicely with my current bedspread.

oh the excitment.

Pity about the funding problem.

And this one would be perfect on my lounge.

Oh dear Lord I think I've died and gone to heaven.

I have to stop looking and go back to my house work.

Happy Monday.

xx

Far Far.

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something good to happen to her
from time to time there are colors and shapes
dazzle in her eyes, tickle in her hands
they invent her a new world with
oil skies and aquarel rivers
but don't you run away already
please don't go oh oh

Take a deep breath and dive
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess
beautiful mess inside

Oh beautiful, beautiful

Far far there's this little girl
she was praying for something big to happen to her
every night she hears beautiful strange music
it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide
but if it fades she begs
"oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it"

Just look at yourself now
deep inside
deeper than you ever dared
there's a beautiful mess inside
beautiful mess inside

My favorite song today.

Far Far by Yael Naïm

as always image from weheartit