No excuses.

Yesterday I started week 3 of C25K.

Week 3 includes 3 minute intervals.

That's right. For the first time I am counting my running in minutes not seconds.

It doesn't sound like much, but to me it is.

I did it. 

I did it on a day when I felt like my eyes were burning from the inside due to weeks of not sleeping. 

I did it on a day when a felt like I was drowning.

I did it even though I had to go back to the gym three times because someone else was always using 'my' treadmill.

And I was proud. Beyond belief proud.

I can't wait to built up the confidence to run outside.

Running on the treadmill makes me feel free.

I can only imagine what it feels like to run outside.

I've decided that once I finish C25K I'm going to go outside and complete Gateway to 8k which sets you up for 50mins of running. Yeah I know. I just did 3 minutes and I'm already thinking about running for nearly an hour. 

One can dream right?

Again.

I've been rather slack these last few weeks. 

That's what happens when I hit these dark times. I'm so over struggling with this stupid depression crap. Like really over it. I don't even get it. If I had some major traumatic childhood or something then at least there would be an obvious cause. Instead I'm just depressed. For no apparent reason. No matter how many times I fight it off it always comes back.

It pushes me down.

I fight back.

It knocks me down.

I get back up.

Again and again and again.

Like I said. OVER IT. 

I seriously hate that my kids have their lives effected by this.

I wanted their childhood to be filled with sunshine and lollipops and rainbows.Not a mother who bursts into tears for no reason and struggles to leave the house or even get out of bed some days. 

This is not what our lives are meant to look like. This seriously needs to change. It's time that this changes. But how many times have I said that?

I just want to scream at this thing F@#% OFF. Let me live. Like really live. Please.

The perfect lipstick.

I've been thinking lately that I'd really love to find my perfect lipstick shade.

Actually I really wouldn't mind having a collection for different occasions.

Currently I don't really wear lipstick. Not really. I have one. But I tend to put it on and then blot it off so my lips are stained but the colour is not super strong.

I wouldn't mind if my perfect lipstick comes from Chanel. 

It fact I'm rather hoping that it does.

My current lipstick is rather intense. Without blotting it off I wouldn't feel very comfortable in it for everyday wear.
Although if my confidence grew the perhaps I could handle it.
Here it is in all it's full strength glory.

Crappy webcam picture featuring my $2 Sams Warehouse lippy.

Doubt.

 

"Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward."

Oh Oprah, you wise wise woman.