Believe.

What do you believe in?

Once I was so undoubtedly sure.

Then something happened. I'm not sure what it was, but suddenly I was questioning everything.

That is not a pleasant experience. Suddenly having everything you think you knew taken away and replaced with... doubt?

I have been going to church in some form or another for something in line with 10 years.

I have called myself a Christian for about 6. 

I knew who I was.

Beloved daughter.

Princess.

Warrior.

I had been through enough to know I could turn to God to be my strength.

My wisdom.

To restore my soul.

Sometime at the end of last year I stopped seeing myself as His daughter.

I stopped turning to Him for strength. 

I was no longer searching for wisdom.

And the worst bit? I didn't even care. 

I wanted to forget everything I knew and be 'normal'.

I thought that maybe if I could forget then things would be easier. I could be stupid and reckless and not care about the consequences. 

Only I didn't do anything stupid or reckless because I suppose I couldn't pretend I thought it was right.

I couldn't get past being me.

I couldn't, wouldn't, didn't actually want to.

Basically I was lost.

I didn't know who I was, what I believed in or my place in the world.

Lost.

Thats the only word that fits.

I don't want to be lost anymore.

I want to wake up each morning with the knowledge that He is with me.

I want to feel His presence in my life.

I want my daughter to grow up knowing that she to is a princess in the kingdom of heaven.. 

I want to be me again.

Only I don't actually know how to get back there.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
       so my soul pants for you, O God.

Psalm 42:1

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