A bedroom makeover III

I am loving the process of gathering things together for the boys bedroom makeover.

I've never sat down to really think through a room and consider each piece before.

It's seriously fun.

And seriously takes up a lot of my online time.

Thought I would share some of the pictures from my inspiration file, cause everybody likes a little bit of inspiration.

Finally.

Finally after keeping an eye out for nearly 18months I stumbled upon the perfect mobile for Miss Kaylas bedroom. 

It matches seamlessly and she adores it. Bonus.

Mobile by Tiger Tribe 

I think she now needs the matching bag.

Oh what fun.

Web cams are fun for playing with the little people when they are cranky.

My kids are Skype addicts.

(Check out the eyes. Perhaps I was just a little shattered??)

I play Point and Shoot.

Do you?

xx

Strong.

I'm not sure what happened. Where we went wrong. But somewhere along the line the kidlets went nuts.

They were so lovely while we were away. They hardly fought. They were relatively quiet. They went to bed easily. They never ran away whilst at the shops/zoo/museum.

Now we are home it appears they are fighting worse then ever. Constantly attacking each other and having crying fits.

Maybe it's fatigue after the holiday.

Maybe it's the freedom of being back home.

Maybe it's because for the first time in two weeks there is only Mum to deal with, no Dad watching in the background or Nina promising sweets.

I'm fighting desperately within myself to not play the blame game.

I have come so far. I will not go back to being that girl.

I am not to blame.

 Mike will not come home to a wild house and me crying in the bedroom.

I refuse to give in.
I will stay strong.

xx Amie

image via weheartit.com 

I think I need a drink.

Today was one of those days were everything that can go wrong will go wrong.

1. Baby screaming so much the two year old was walking around with his hands over his ears.
2. Psycho children acting like they are strung out on sugar whilst mumma paces around in circles with said screaming baby.
3. House a complete disgusting mess that's going to take all day tomorrow to fix. (See points 1 & 2)
4. The psycho children paying no attention to anything being said at them resulting in one very frazzled mumma throwing toys in the rubbish (to be fair the sentence "if you don't pick it up it's going in the bin" did leave my mouth so they were warned).... Perhaps this one actually taught them something. Maybe they learnt not to mess with mumma.
5. The man late home from work. (Only a problem due to points 1 &2)
6. Forgot my eftpos card when I did the grocery shopping and had to come home to retreive it.
7. When I arrived home to collect card the man was asleep and the children had gotten out of bed and someone had taken off their nappy resulting in poop on the couch.
8. Drove a few suburbs with the intent of using my spare key to let myself into Liz's house and drop something off....Forgot the key and had no choice but to leave her $600(?) camera hidden outside the front door. I'm still waiting to hear if it was still there when she got home or if one of her junkie neighbors discovered it.
9. Made a giant ass of myself on the phone to Liz's work whilst calling to inform her of my dodge camera delivering skills.
10. Then played a game of phone tagged whilst trying to organise the last of Miss Liz's birthday present....Although this one worked out well in the end...I think?!?

Yesterday whilst visiting a pregnant friend I started to feel the stirrings of cluckeness deep inside.OH NO. Today definately got rid of that.

Now I've got that off my chest and had a nice cup of tea, I think I shall take a long hot shower and go to bed. Tomorrow has no choice but to be better. I have millions of things to do plus a stack of housework to catch up on. 

image via weheartit.com

The Vision.

I have a vision of my life.

How I live it.

The values I hold.

Priorities I have.

I have a vision of morals I want to instill in my children.

Things I want to ensure they believe about themselves.
The moments I want to have with them.

I have a vision of my marriage.
Of what makes us, us.
Of the "rules" we follow, and the ones we break.
Of the things that define us.

My life is not living up to the vision.
At the moment it is completely wrong.
Not in the: 'We didn't expect this but it's pretty darn good way.'
No, at the moment it is ok. Just plain old boring ok.
We are getting by.

Or we were.
Until today.
Today I snapped.
I packed up some things and ran away from home.
I broke down.
I yelled, screamed, and cried by eyes out.

I ran away from home once before.
I can't remember how old I was.
I think it was somewhere around 9.
Anyway, when I was somewhere around 9 I ran away from home.
I planned to stay away forever or until my parents realized I was gone and cried and came looking for me.
I went and hid behind the back fence so I would be able to hear when they started to panic.
I never heard. I;m not sure they even noticed I was gone.
I must have hidden out behind that fence for a whole 15 minutes before I got bored and came home.
I honestly can't even remember what happened next. Obviously I didn't make for a very dramatic runaway when I was 9.

So today was my second runaway experience.
I spent the whole day learning some new things about myself and longing to be home with the one person who always, no matter what, manages to make me feel better.
Our marriage may not fit with the vision. It my not meet my standards. It may not be great. But it's defiantly got potential.
So sometime after dinner when the kids started to get restless I packed up my ego and headed home.

At this point in time nothing has technically changed.

My life is still the same.

My kids are still overwhelming.

My marriage needs still needs some work.

But something on the inside has changed.

I've let it out. That means things can start to change.

We've started. And thats what counts right?

That you start.
Cause the truth is, there is no end.

Life goes on.
Your children will still be your children even when they're 30.
And love doesn't just disappear when the marriage is harder then expected.

The vision is the goal.
I won't give up.
I refuse.

Life is hard, but it will be great.

xx



all images via weheartit


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Rocking It.

This morning Noah had his first pull blown scream all through the shopping centre hissy fit. Crying, sitting on the floor, screaming. He didn't want to go home. He wanted to stay and play. He broke the rules over and over again so I pulled out the tough mum card and we left. I felt horrible, but I think I handled it quite well. I didn't loss my calm. I didn't yell. I just kept walking. Holding him. Talking softly. 

Eventually we made it to the care. 

After some struggle I had all three strapped in their seats and we were headed home.

Normally I listen to either the Christian radio station while driving.

Not today.
I didn't feel like listening to the monotone babble that was currently being poured out.

This is were the fun began. 

I put on my favorite mindless, relaxing sing-along CD and to my delight Noah started singing along with me. 

It was absolutely priceless.

I stole a glance at him through the rear view mirror only to see him pulling the most hilarious rock n roll face.

If only I had a camera for that moment.

I've been laughing all afternoon thinking about it. 

{image source}

Party time.

weheartit.com

When I think back on my life I don't believe I'll have regrets.

Not about anything I've done yet at least.

I seriously love the direction my life has taken.

It's not something I ever expected.

I love that my mistakes resulted in the beautiful young boy currently asleep in my bed.

When I think back to the day I realised there was a possibility that the reason I'd spent the last 6 weeks throwing up was because I was 2 months pregnant, I never thought that I would end up here.

A gorgeous almost four year old asleep in my bed.

My husband, love, soulmate, asleep on the couch.

The son I so longed to join our family asleep in his cot.

And the princess, who decided to join our crazy family long before mummy and daddy thought to consider more children, asleep in my arms.

When I first became a mummy Friday nights were the worst.

I loved my darling boy.

I didn't want to leave him for a second.

But part of me wondered if I was missing something.

While I was at home nursing my new baby, my friends were out doing all kinds of crazy, fun, party shaped things. 

I'll admit it, I was jealous.

I was jealous of everyone who got to go out dancing.

Everyone who's tummy still looked the same as it did in high school.

Everyone who didn't have to wake up during the night and got to sleep in on Saturdays.

I was jealous of my friends who got to fall in love, have the fairy tale wedding and then go down the baby road with someone holding their hand.

I felt alone.

I wasn't alone.

I had my son.

I had my future husband, who somehow went against the 19 year old he was and chose us.

He chose us despite the fact that I had made a mistake.

A mistake that would change my life.

And his too once he decided to come along side us.

A mistake that would cuddle into us at night.

A mistake whom I'd cherish forever.

A blessing that I don't think I could ever comprehend.

Now I don't notice Friday nights so much.

Sometimes I go out.

Mostly I don't.

But now it doesn't matter.

I guess that's how you tell that you've grown up.

The things that used to matter don't even register now.

Now my perfect Friday night is this.

Surrounded in perfect, peaceful, sleeping LOVE.

Nowdays I am content.

{Mostly.}

I realise the blessings in my life.

It's so full of love and laughter I could burst.

Yep, I am perfectly content.

weheartit.com

  

I Just Don't Know.

Today is one of those days. 

You know the ones. 

Those days were you literally want to pull your hair out. 

Cry. 

Or lock yourself in the bedroom.

Days like today don't change the fact you wouldn't give your kids up for the world. But they do make you (or at least me) feel like a completely incompetent mother. 

I remember when I was a child my mother would often ask if I had laid in bed last night thinking of ways to drive her insane. This morning I know exactly what she was talking about.

I'm having some serious, I don't know how to do this moments.

I have nearly lost it and sat crying.

I have been tough mumma, calm mumma, happy mumma, soft mumma, cuddly mumma, cranky mumma.

None of these have worked. 

I have no idea what to do.

I have no idea how to handle anymore crying.

I have sat pinching the top of my nose willing the headache to subside and the screaming children to somehow magically turn into the gorgeous young things on Panadol boxes.

My children do not look like that when they're sick, no amount of Panadol would achieve this look. 

They do not look like that ever.

OK. Perhaps when they are sleeping.

Somehow though I know that I have changed.

At some point I have grown.

I have realized that days like these are not my fault.

Children are little people with great big emotions.

They have days when they feel crap.

They have days when they want impossible things.

When they are so over the snot and don't know how to express themselves.

So they kick and scream and drive everyone up the wall.

If I was a perfect mumma, i would somehow find away to teach them about expressing themselves today.

But I'm not a perfect mumma.

So instead I will sit and give cuddles.

I will continue to refuse to give them left over easter eggs.

Somehow we will all survive.

Lets just hope that Mike doesn't trip on all the mess when he gets home.

image source

Doctor come quick.

I have 2 sick kids home from kindy today and one cranky constipated baby. 

She'll hate me when she's older if she ever finds out I wrote that about her but it's a fact.

Today my Nana came home from hospital.

Having the kids home has changed the plans a little but has been mostly easy to manage so far.

Noah has been oh so delightful.

Helping Nana to open doors, holding her crutches.

Every ten minutes or so he walks over before softly asking:

"Can I help you Nana?" 

It melts my heart and fills my eyes with happy tears.

He could kick any doctors ass when it comes to bedside manner.

I am positively overflowing with pride at my sons caring behavior today.

image source

Where are they?

Ask any mum and she will tell you, the tiredness reaches a whole new level once you have kids. Even when they start to sleep better, it's still there, lingering in the background, the need to sleep. You never know what it's like to be completely and utterly exhausted until you're a mum. Looking after other peoples kids does not give the same results.

Does 3 kids 3 and under make me three times as tired as my friends with "only" one child. I dunno. And I don't actually care. It's not a competition. Anyway, the point is, that I'm pretty much used to this life. I'm used to having various degree's of no energy. Some days I push through and others I don't. Our house is constantly in various states of messiness regardless of how much energy I put into keeping it tidy. I try not to let this bother me. I love the days when everything is kinda shiny but regardless; the washing always gets done. Dishes never stay dirty for more then 24hours. There is always food on time for the kidlets. So it's not the end of the world.

What does bother me though is that this past week I have been incredibly forgetful. I'm sure I've been told at least 5 times what days my friend Liz is working. I forget what I was doing 10 minutes ago. I forget to bring the bag of clean clothes thats sitting by the door in to my nana. That's it. I'll blame it on my trips to the hospital. I'm sure I left some brain cells there.

image source

Reflections.

I'm sure that as toddlers grow and become little children they seem to become funnier and funnier. All of a sudden they are coming out with priceless expressions and funky dance moves. They start to understand the world around them and respond in their own unique little ways. They are plain cute.

They also know just how to push your buttons. Just how to act to really get under your skin. They throw tantrums, socks and toys.

They show you parts of yourself you really wish didn't exist.

The thing about children is that they learn from what you do. How you interact. How you respond to problems.

Sometimes we forget that we aren't just teaching them 'please', 'thank you' and to 'count to ten'. 

They are watching, listening absorbing everything. And right when you least expect it they'll let you know just how closely they have been watching.

Children are the ultimate mirror.

And sometimes the reflection is kinda scary.

[image source]

Perfection

Normally I hate Mondays. 

They are normally full of chaos, tantrums and tears.

Don't know why, but it happens every Monday without fail.

Not today. 

Today was one of those perfect days every mother dreams about.

Happy children,

Fun and games,

Outside play,

Synchronized napping (even from Noah, who never has day sleeps).

Not even mess to clean up.

Everything was so perfect I might even make pudding tonight.

image source

Manic Monday

walking in the rain

the wiggles

screaming baby

allergies

the wiggles

sticky floors 

nap time

lifeline bin

the wiggles

splashing in the tub

toddler tantrums

the wiggles

everyone sleeping

steaming hot tea

bliss

...gotta love Mondays...

image

The never ending...

When I first discovered I was going to be a mum several things crossed my mind. The main one being "why the crap am I not totally freaked out right now??" (I was 18 and had just peed on a stick in the shopping centre toilets because I was to impatient to wait till I got home). All I could think about for the following 8months was the tiny life growing inside of me. The tiny life that God had allowed my body to build. No amount of science or worldly knowledge could do what I was doing in that moment. I was growing an actual living breathing human being, whom would be mine to love forever. I was aware of the fact that this was going to be an incredibly hard and long journey.

What I didn't comprehend though was the amount of mess a baby makes once it stops being a baby and grows into an actual noisy, sweaty, adventurous child (also overlooked was that a baby grows into a child). Perhaps if I had been a little older and wiser I would have realized the importance of teaching Master N to wipe his hands when he finished eating, the correct way to tidy up his toys and not to touch the DVD's. But I didn't. I had hardly worked out for myself how to live without my own mumma cleaning up after me so it's no surprise I didn't work this out sooner.

Now I am slightly older and watching other friends join me on this great parenthood adventure. I can't help but feel a pang of regret when I see them teaching their children the things I didn't know to teach mine when I first started out. If I had taught them those things would days like today still happen?? Would I still have days when the boys are so wild and loud and excitable that they can't help but leave a giant trail of mess everywhere they look? My guess is yes. My guess is no matter the amount of training you do, a one year old is always going to be neater then a three year old. My guess is that (no matter your age) when you are crazy enough to have all three of your kids in three years your life is going to be messy. Very very messy.

But you know what? The 20seconds they spend being adorable somehow makes up for it. Somehow when they climb onto my lap all covered in kid sweat and snot and whisper in a teeny tiny voice how much they love me, I forget about the tear my hair out phone called I made to my best friend only seconds earlier and realize that no matter how bad it gets, I wouldn't change them for the world.

dreaming

I always dreamed I’d live a life full of colour; A life of laughter, fun and beauty.

But I guess what you dream about isn’t always what you get.

But tomorrow is a new day.

Life is a choice.

I chose to see the colours.

And whats more colourful then a shiny face first thing in the morning.