No excuses.

Yesterday I started week 3 of C25K.

Week 3 includes 3 minute intervals.

That's right. For the first time I am counting my running in minutes not seconds.

It doesn't sound like much, but to me it is.

I did it. 

I did it on a day when I felt like my eyes were burning from the inside due to weeks of not sleeping. 

I did it on a day when a felt like I was drowning.

I did it even though I had to go back to the gym three times because someone else was always using 'my' treadmill.

And I was proud. Beyond belief proud.

I can't wait to built up the confidence to run outside.

Running on the treadmill makes me feel free.

I can only imagine what it feels like to run outside.

I've decided that once I finish C25K I'm going to go outside and complete Gateway to 8k which sets you up for 50mins of running. Yeah I know. I just did 3 minutes and I'm already thinking about running for nearly an hour. 

One can dream right?

Again.

I've been rather slack these last few weeks. 

That's what happens when I hit these dark times. I'm so over struggling with this stupid depression crap. Like really over it. I don't even get it. If I had some major traumatic childhood or something then at least there would be an obvious cause. Instead I'm just depressed. For no apparent reason. No matter how many times I fight it off it always comes back.

It pushes me down.

I fight back.

It knocks me down.

I get back up.

Again and again and again.

Like I said. OVER IT. 

I seriously hate that my kids have their lives effected by this.

I wanted their childhood to be filled with sunshine and lollipops and rainbows.Not a mother who bursts into tears for no reason and struggles to leave the house or even get out of bed some days. 

This is not what our lives are meant to look like. This seriously needs to change. It's time that this changes. But how many times have I said that?

I just want to scream at this thing F@#% OFF. Let me live. Like really live. Please.

The perfect lipstick.

I've been thinking lately that I'd really love to find my perfect lipstick shade.

Actually I really wouldn't mind having a collection for different occasions.

Currently I don't really wear lipstick. Not really. I have one. But I tend to put it on and then blot it off so my lips are stained but the colour is not super strong.

I wouldn't mind if my perfect lipstick comes from Chanel. 

It fact I'm rather hoping that it does.

My current lipstick is rather intense. Without blotting it off I wouldn't feel very comfortable in it for everyday wear.
Although if my confidence grew the perhaps I could handle it.
Here it is in all it's full strength glory.

Crappy webcam picture featuring my $2 Sams Warehouse lippy.

Doubt.

 

"Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward."

Oh Oprah, you wise wise woman.

C25K

So waiting a week between runs that are meant to be every second day is rather slack. 

I used the treadmill instead of the road today. 

Find it so much easier being able to see my progress as I go along.

Last week doing day 1 I thought I would die and didn't even complete it properly.

Today I did it.

So I'm counting today as day 1 again because yeah, a week gap is too much. 

I feel good for the first time in a long while.

Guess that's why they suggest exercise for depression huh?

Book Club?

Book 4/26

Oh seriously. This book is love.

Oh the back it has praise for Natasha Solomons last book 'Mr Rosenblum's List'. 

"Prepare to be seriously charmed"

And that is how I would describe this book as well.

Charming.

I fell in love with the main character Elise.

The whole thing.

Charming.

Lovely.

Read it.

xx

Well that went well...not

I think I'm going to have to remember the quote from my last post.

"No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch."

Cause boy was I slow.

And breathless.

I may be more unfit then I though.

It was defiantly depressing.

Sunday I completed day 1 of Couch to 5k.

Well I kinda completed.

Good enough right???

This is going to be more challenging then I thought, but I need this. I need to put myself and my health first. What good am I to my kids of I neglect myself?

So the 'stats'.

Starting weight: 60kg

Pre-baby weight: 52kg

Will be happy with: under 55kg, even if it's 54.9

Motivation O'clock

It's time for me to get fit.

I want to lose the last of this baby weight and I want to be able to go for a walk/jog for some alone time rather then locking myself in my room reading blogs and eating chocolate. 

I love blogs, but surely exercise would be more productive?

So I've developed a plan.

I have one day a week where all three children are gone.

One at kindy and two in daycare.

So on this day I have no excuse as to why I haven't been exercising.

I know that I feel better when I've been exercising, so why don't I do it?

I also have at least one afternoon a week free whilst the children are playing with their dad. (They play more then just this one afternoon, I'm talking about scheduled "mummy with no kids time")

I have both a gym membership AND access to a gym within our complex.

I really can't complain about lack of resources can I.

Every second weekend the children spend the weekends at their dad's place.

During this time I'm sure if I wanted to I could fit a workout in.

So my plan is:

Friday mornings straight to gym from kindy drop off.

One afternoon a week 'sceduled' gym time.

Every second Saturday make time for the gym.

I'm going to follow the 'Couch to 5km Running Program'.

I've even got MP3 downloaded with instructions of when to walk and when to jog, all ready to go.

All I've been lacking is the motivation.

I'm thinking I may even be brave and post my weight and a before picture on here so everyone can follow my progress (exciting blogging here folks).

So there it is.

My plan all written out and sent into cyberspace.

Hopefully someone kicks my butt if I don't update with progress.

That can be your job.

xxx

A bedroom makeover III

I am loving the process of gathering things together for the boys bedroom makeover.

I've never sat down to really think through a room and consider each piece before.

It's seriously fun.

And seriously takes up a lot of my online time.

Thought I would share some of the pictures from my inspiration file, cause everybody likes a little bit of inspiration.

A Song For My Sons

Last week I got given the Sara Groves album Tell Me What You Know.

I have wanted it for ages but never got around to grabbing a copy.

So yep, it's now on repeat in the car and this is my obsession song of the day.

Had to share.

ETA: When I searched youtube for the song this was the only clip that I could find. It was made by some woman who liked the song but has daughters not sons. Sorry should have mentioned that before.

xxx

This is a song for my sons for when they understand it

You know how life is full you know we couldn't plan it

your dad and I prayed for strength and understanding

for things we couldn't see or comprehend

This is a song for you, to carry in your pocket

take all our love with you in all the paths you walk in

I can't say your life will always go like it should

but I can say that God is always good

and when the cold wind blows like I know it will

and when you feel alone like I know you will

and when the cold wind blows like we know it will

Don't let your love grow

Don't let your love grow

Don't let your love grow cold

This is a song for my sons for when they understand it

You know how life is full you know we couldn't plan it

your dad and I prayed for strength and understanding

for things we couldn't see or comprehend

This is a song from my heart a small refrain to hold you

for times when we're apart and I cannot console you

Be honest with yourself and don't forget to pray

and read your bible everyday

and when the cold wind blows like I know it will

and when you feel alone like I know you will

and when the cold wind blows like I know it will

Don't let your love grow

Don't let your love grow

Don't let your love grow cold